Tuesday, 26 June 2018

"It's Time" - Salvadore Silva (The Inexplicable Logic of My Life)

Tuesday, 26 June 2018
I've written a post like this in the past. A few posts like this, actually. But I'm hoping this is the last one. 

The truth is, on the 27th June 2017 I wrote, edited and published what would be my last post on this blog for an entire year. I didn't mean for that to happen, I honestly and truly didn't. But that sparked off events in my life that stopped me from writing posts. Then when I finally could come back to it I felt so out of touch that I thought I was done with this blog. Forever. 

Recently, however, I read a little book called The Inexplicable Logic of My Life and everything changed. Salvadore sparked me to reconnect with what was holding me back, and to face the things that I had been adamant wouldn't change anything. So, as Salvadore Silva once said "It's Time."


July - December 2017

The thing that started this break up in the first place was the fact that my laptop died on me. She just completely gave up the ghost and it was TRAGIC. She was the first laptop that was all my own. My ride or die, and I couldn't believe that she could give up on me like she did. Fast forward a few months and I got a laptop that I hated (I love her now, she's great) and hardly ever used. Honestly. She just stayed gathering dust because I refused to use her.

Then at the start of September I broke my ankle. I know that doesn't sound too bad, but I was twenty and it was my first broken bone ever and I had to have an operation and stay over in the hospital for three days and I absolutely hated my life. I was miserable, seriously. From then til December my life felt so stagnant. I couldn't do anything without it being a huge task. It took me half an hour to do the ten minute walk from my uni accommodation to my campus. A long time passed before I broke out of the funk that my ankle put me in. Too long of a time. (And ok, yes, a lot of the issues came from me just being too dramatic for my own good. But what can you do?). 

January - June 2018

As soon as January came I decided to make an effort to go out with my friends more and spend time with them outside of uni instead of just staying in my room feeling isolated and trapped all the time. In fact, I have a few great memories from this half of the year. (Including going to the see The Greatest Showman for the fifth time with my friends and then dancing in the streets to the soundtrack on our snowy walk home).

I also figured myself out. I've come to a lot of realisations in the last few months about who I am and who I want to be. I stopped lying to myself about a lot of things, and made a few big decisions. I also came into my own aesthetic (if you will) and recently came out as a biromantic woman (I'm still coming to terms with using the asexual 'label', but it's definitely the closest to what I'm feeling). And the truth is that I feel so much more comfortable with myself now. 

It's also been pretty terrifying. I won't lie. My final year of university is approaching and now my dissertation is looming and everything that I've known for the past two years is about to change. But it's all fine, I'll survive. I guess I don't really have a choice.


Change. That's a scary word. But it's one I'm slowly getting used to. And in the theme of transitions in my general life, things have to change on this blog. Evidently something wasn't working for me before and a lot of that was down to me not feeling confident in what I was doing and where I was in relation to the community - so I'm changing that. Most of the deeper issue what that, I think, was me not reading the books that I really wanted to read.

So, the change. I'm not just going to focus on YA, although the majority of what I read IS still young adult, I want to talk about the other books that I read. I also want to have a diverse feature where I talk about LGBTQIA+ and diverse books, since that has been my focus point of the books that I've been reading in the last year and I want to continue highlighting that focus. However, I don't want all of my posts to be about books. I want to talk to you guys, and get to know you, and have you get to know me and who I am outside of what I'm reading. So there will be a few lifestyle, fashion, beauty and personal posts thrown in too.

So, that's that. It's time to be brave.

Thank you for sticking with me,

1 comment :

  1. I love this post! I'm sorry the second half of the year was so rough for you, lovely <3 Pain can really get to you and I don't think it was just you being dramatic. It sounds like an awful thing, and operations are terrifying. I'm glad that it's over. And losing a laptop is the worst! Mine is getting slow and old but I am HOLDING ON because I don't want a new one. Especially since the new ones on't have CD drives, wtf.

    Yay for coming into new labels and ways of identifying yourself. I am so proud <3

    AND ALL THE YESES for your new posts! As you know, queer fiction is dear to my heart so I cannot wait to see your new content. And getting to know you better. Welcome back, Natalie!!